News Archives

The One in Eight
Partly thanks to the fact that one in eight of the quids spent in the UK finds it's way into a Tesco till, the company made over £2 billion last year, that's the biggest profit ever of a UK supermarket. Which was nice. For them, of course.

Have you Noticed?
Have you noticed your inbox being inundated by spam any less recently? No, we haven't either, even though the world's eighth most prolific spammer is going behind bars for nine years any day now. Responsible for 10 million unwanted emails a day, the guy made close on four hundred grand a month.

Calm Down Dear, It's Just a Virus - number 27
None of you will, of course, 'cos you're all savvy, clued up internet dudes and dudettes, but don't be fooled by the latest manifestation of the virus writer's dark art. This one claims to offer a security patch from Microsoft. What's that you say - who's ever heard of such a thing? Ha ha.

How Clever Are Your...Clothes?
By 2010 the global solar power industry could be worth £20 billion thanks to the solar powered jacket. Say goodbye to faltering mobile and ipod batteries, our threads will supply us with all the juice we will need. What's that? We live in the UK and never get any sun? Oh, bugger.

Coming Soon to a Pub Near You...
...sheer blooming chaos. On Monday the government is going to slap an £80 fixed penalty on bar staff serving drunk customers. Just imagine the scene: it's last orders and eager drinkers lurch to the bar while nervous bar staff scrutinise the punters for signs of inebriation and under cover police activity. The queues lengthen as the bar maid interrogates every customer before serving them. I'm staying at home me, with a bottle of scotch.

Meet the Real Meldrew - Name of Victoria
Another study confirming what men have believed all along comes from Middlesex University - the grumpy old sex is the female, not the male. When they hit forty, women are the same seething mess of anger they were at twenty, while men get more and more serene with age. Mind you, they only asked a hundred and fifty people, so it's hard to draw proper conclusions. I mean, for God's sake, they pass this off as proper research, it makes me so angry...

Banks Deceive Customers Shock
Taking our own money out of our own bank accounts from ATM machines in shops, pubs, off licences etc is costing us £140 million a year. The Commons Treasury Select Committee want operators to stop concealing the charges from customers. Me, I want them to stop charging altogether.

Triumph of the Timelord
We loved it, all the kids we know loved it - possibly without the same sense of reverence as those of us revelling in the nostalgia - and 10.5 million others seemed to enjoy it, too. It looks like the Beeb has a hit on its hands and the Geordie Boys on the other side have got their work cut out now. One things for sure - there's gonna be a lot of screaming on Saturday Night TV for the forseeable.

Melting Nightwear in the UK - Not Many Injured
But a surprising number - 22 to be precise - were. All the weird and not so wonderful accidents that befell us last year have been listed by the Department of Health, and a fine list it is, too. Lightning strikes, alligator attacks, melting nightwear and centipede strikes. It's not safe out there, I tell you. It's not safe.

How Clever are Your.....Binoculars?
The next generation of technology is on show at the Aichi Expo 2006 in Japan and has a host of gadgets to daze and amaze. The writer of this article is taken with the films where the characters are animated audience members, but I'm reeling at the thought of intelligent binoculars. It's technology gone mad, I tell you.

Space, the Final Package Holiday
Look, we're not going to make any jokes about timetables and late spaceships or anything like that. Just to say that Sir Richard Branson is building five ships for space tourists and has plans for hotels in space. If you want to book a place on one of the the first flights in a few years time, it will only set you back a hundred and seven grand.

April 2006
March 2006
Feb 2006