News Archives

Gobble Gobble Gobble
We approve, of course, we really, really approve of what Jamie Oliver is trying to do for the health of the nation's kids, but we must admit to a wry smile at the news that the food he hates above all others, the infamous Turkey Twizzler, has enjoyed a 32% increase in sales over the past four weeks. The British public, eh, don't you just love 'em?

A Plastic Smile When the Price is Right
Further proof that the people who run our lives haven't got a clue about anything is that Botox is going on the official list of products that is used to measure inflation. That's right, Botox. How many people do you know who shove a vial of it in their shopping trolley every week? Big fat O? Me too.

The Butler's Loaded
If you got here via Ask Jeeves, you are one of only 5% who do, a pretty select band. That didn't stop it being worth a cool £970 million, though, for that is what it is going for. US media media mogul Barry Diller is to buy the search engine to add to his internet portfolio of Expedia, Match.com and CitySearch.

It's Because I is Fat
The UK's favourite domestic goddess reckons that the secret of her success is her curvaceous figure. "I don't believe that men like to watch thin girls," she says, although she does admit to nervousness crossing the Atlantic where the main job of celebrities is to make the rest of us feel rubbish about ourselves. She should stay over here where the blokes really appreciate a girl who can lick spoons in that special way.

Reasons to be Veggie, Part 33
Scientists are beginning to realise what pet owners have always known - animals are pretty similar to us. And that not only includes Animal Hospital regulars like cute kitties and darling doggies, but also potential beef steaks, stir fried chicken and cumberland sausages, too. Bon Apetit.

It Started at Just the Thirty Five Hours...
...but before I knew it I was up to sixty, even seventy hours a week. And it's bad for me, my family, my health and my morale. It makes me eat badly, drink and smoke more and it doesn't necessarily mean I get paid extra. Welcome to the world of the binge worker.

Goodbye Blobby
Dr Who might be hitting our screens again soon, but at the moment it is a humble advert for a yeast based spread that has the kids cowering behind the sofa. Three year olds, apparently, just can't grasp the nuances.

BT Takes on the Rogue Diallers
BT is unveiling initiatives to combat dialler scams that can cost customers thousands in phone bills. From May, dial up users will be able to download free software that block unapproved numbers. Good news.

Beer and Fags Probably Safe - Dream On
It's that time of year again. The Chancellor gets to wave the battered red leather briefcase and MPs have a snooze while he drones on about economics and stuff and then slaps more duty on the things we like. Count your blessings, though, it's a pre-election one, so the nasty surprises should be at a minimum. Update: Check out the damage here.

Get Yourself a Trade, Lad
The service industry gets smart with a new qualification for "digital plumbers." These guys won't be pursing their lips at the contents of your u-bend or wincing at your slimy toilet, they'll be laughing at the spaghetti behind your computer.

Get Your Wallet Out
It wasRed Nose Day on Saturday. People all over the country were doing wacky things for chariddy and watching funny people on telly all night. It's not too late to give money, you know.

The Village of the Manned
Or, to be more precise, de-womanned. A small village in Nottinghamshire is to be purged of its women for a week to see how the menfolk cope with everyday life. This groundbreaking social experiment will take place in the strictest privacy and the data gathered will be painstakingly analysed for the good of future generations. (No, it won't, it's for reality television - ed)

New Who
Now, this is a vaguely interesting story in its own right from the BBC news website: an episode of the new Dr Who starring Christopher Eccleston and Billie Piper has found its way onto t'internet before it has even appeared on the telly, but the really strange bit is that the "The BBC was unavailable for comment." How does that work, then?

Those F****ing Footballers
Footballers are the new rock stars, according to a leading headmaster. Added to the long list of causes of teenage violence, anti-social behaviour and anti- authoritarian attitudes - Elvis, Johnny Rotten etc - are Wayne Rooney and chums with their fouling feet and fouler mouths. Not like that in our day, I can tell you. Nobby Stiles, Norman Hunter, Vinnie Jones. Angels they were, angels.

Another Cross to Bear For Beckhams
Civil Law in Spain prohibits gender ambigous names, so David and Victoria may find themselves in trouble for naming their son Cruz, which is, we are sure you don't need reminding, a girls name. And you think we've got an interfering, nannyish government.

P2P Pirates Take a Hit
The British Phonographic Industry have won some £50,000 off illegal music downloaders for poor, impecunious musos such as Sting, Robbie Williams and U2. You see, there's a slump in the sales of CDs and it's all your fault. Yes, you. And your children. Well, they're after you now.

What's in Your Phone?
New ways of paying for goods and services using your mobile phone are beginning to emerge. Simpay, a new payment scheme for mobile phone content, has gained the support of leading phone companies. Who knows, the over (or under) stuffed wallet may soon be a thing of the past.

The Patter of Tiny Bank Balances
It has been estimated that it costs £52,000 to care for a child from birth to five years old, which is as much as a two bedroomed house in Burnley. And if you think that's bad, just wait until they hit their teens.

It's Not Gold
When it came to listening to music on the move, bling just couldn't cut it. Of the five colours that the Apple mini iPod came in, Gold languished at the bottom of the heap when it came to sales and has been unceremoniously dumped. Try eBay if you are an inveterate trend bucker.

Free Gift at Boots
Boots has given it's No 7 brand a makeover, and in celebration of the fact they are giving away a free gift packed full of goodies when you spend £15 or more on No 7.

£15 off a £25 Spend at Littlewoods Online
Sounds good and it jolly well is good. Littlewoods online stock everything from fashion to electricals, home and garden to toys and games, and first time users can get £15 off orders over £25.

Rip Off Britain Revisited
Not only do we pay more for designer clothes, cars, cds and DVDs, it seems that Apple are charging UK consumers 20% more than other Europeans for iTunes downloads. The EU is set to investigate. I've always said it, those Brussels bureaucrats, worth their weight in gold, they are.

Local Food For Local People
Forget organic food from the supermarket giants, the best thing you can do for the environment is buy your food locally, even if it has had the odd bit of pesticide squirted at it. The distance it travels to get to your plate is a critical factor in assessing environmental impact.

Kick the Frog
Ringtone sellers face being cut off all UK networks if they aren't more open about just what people are in for when they sign up for "free" ringtones and wallpapers. Already ten firms have suffered suspension while they clean up their act. Poor things.

A Society of Mobile Junkies
Mobile phones have wriggled into our social fabric, apparently, with most of us never leaving home without one. According to Michael Hume, "a researcher," we are now dependent on our mobies, which are a "device of control." Who or what is doing the controlling is what I want to know.

Auntie To Be Attacked Over Online Services
The BBC and other public service broadcasters face assault from the European Commission, it has emerged. Seen by some as caving in to commercial pressure, it seems that the Commission could directly interfere with national governments' charters regarding "cross subsidisation" for online services. The Beeb or Sky? They decide, it seems.

Surprise, Surprise
It's official, women just hate hanging on to their money. On average they save only 6.6% of their income, compared to 7.2% for men according to the quarterly National Savings and Investments (NS&I) survey. And as women's earnings are on average less than men's, it means the gender savings gap is real and worrying. If you are a woman, that is. Or if you're married to one.

Money Money Money
They know all about gestures, do the world's local bank. I wonder how they say to those Brazilians, "Look, we've got 9.6 billion quid in our pocket." Don't phone in, it's just for fun.

Oldies But Goodies
Hardly any major employers know it yet -The Nationwide being an honourable exception - but mature workers are just as thrusting and dynamic as their younger colleagues. And they're more loyal. And they're more responsible. And they take fewer duvet days...

Loadsa Profits
It might be flat for business as a whole - retail sales are down, the stock market is not exactly flying, property prices are declining, but there's one area where profits are doing very nicely, thank you. You've guessed it: banking. HSBC made a cool £9.6 billion last year. Three cheers to them, then.

Young Woman Pregnant - Not Many Interested
Well, quite a few are, apparently. And did you see her (Jordon, of course, for it is she) on GMTV the other morning telling lovely Lorraine she wasn't in the family way, ho no, I wish they'd get their facts right blah blah...

Not so Easy Riders
If you are one of those parents who fears your child is a boy racer, help is at hand, and, as ever the US leads the way. One in eight cars in America has some form of data recorder installed which logs details of the vehicle's movements, and the web now enables parents to be alerted by phone or email when their offspring drive badly.

Can you Afford to Retire?
If you haven't got £330K squirrelled away, it's unlikely. And with pension benefits from the State set to become ever more stingy, today's middle aged can only be glad of the chance to keep hold of their jobs. I'm applying to Nationwide, me.

Bush Triumphs
Forget the Oscars, the only film awards that matter are the Razzies. And Dubya achieved the rare accolade of a serving US President winning a major film award as he picked up worst actor and part of worst screen couple. The night's other big winner was that big turkey Catwoman, and the lovely Halle Berry gamely turned up to pick up her worst actress award.

Feb 2006